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Royal Danger

by The Kujo Kings

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1.
11:30 on a Sunday evening isn’t all that late There’s an easy way to make sure that your mind is in good state Alcohol is a mechanism to cope with fear If you drink to soon, you’ll be gone by noon We welcome you to Party in the morning (party) Ain’t a time for tea (or coffee) We can dance the day away ‘cause who needs work and money? With the sunlight fading (too cold) It’s time to get tucked in (‘cause we’re old) Have a nap and then another party, come the morning 9:30 on a Monday morning isn’t all that late You’re feeling optimistic that the noise restrictions are okay And it doesn’t really matter, the neighbours are at work But you’re kinda close to an overdose It’s time to learn that 11:30 on a Sunday evening is getting pretty late ‘Cause there’s an easy way to make sure that your mind is in good state You don’t need to be smokin reefer, you don’t need beer Ah but what the heck, how bad can it get? This baby’s gonna burst! Party in the morning (party) Should be time for tea (or coffee) We should all be spending our time wisely, earning money When the party’s over (no one) We’ll go around again (has more fun) Tonight we’re gonna party, I’m not waiting ‘til the morning
2.
Bass Fish 03:20
When I was just a small bass fish living under the sea I was approached while singing by the record company They said, 'Boy, we’re gonna make you a bass fish celebrity And all around the world we’ll see you on TV' They gave me the soggy papers and I signed up quickly Said goodbye to all my friends, and all my family Hopped inside the car, knew I’d be a star All the money that I needed was contained in the offer Bass fish Well the studio was filled with other bass fish just like me Singing one song over and over while they waited patiently Called in one by one, and stuck onto a frame Press the red button and make you sing and lift your head with shame I was totally in shock, I thought I’d be a star An advertisement on TV is not what I’d signed up for I tried to swim away, but before too long I was packaged up and destined to forever sing that song Well they told me that I’d be a bass fish celebrity But I was just one of the hundreds shipped around the country Sold out to the world by the record company You don’t wanna be a bass fish like me Two pints of booze Tell me are you a bass fish too? Well I’ve been stuck here on this wall for two years, yes it’s true But the sink is just below me so this is what I’ll do I’ll fall into the water and I’ll swim down the drain Find those record company fish that put me through this pain I’ll box them up as a limited edition singing fish That’ll end up in the home of some large family that is rich Those kids will press the red button until their time has come And those fish will never forget the injustice that was done Australian Bass, Chilean Bass, Largemouth Bass, Black Sea Bass, Giant Sea bass, European Bass, Choctaw Bass, Smallmouth Bass, Japanese Bass, Blackfin Bass, Striped Bass, White Bass, Spotted Bass, Guadalupe Bass, Coca Cola Bass, Pepsi Bass, Hughie Hanily Bass, Wall-singing Bass
3.
I’m upstairs getting ready Now it’s time to hurry, I’ll be late Dinner with the inlaws Gotta make them think that I’m okay My spirit starts to tremble What is semi-formal anyway Today is supposed to be an easy day for me Now I’ve got no choice but to get out the door For my birthday I wanna wear Something that’ll make you wanna stare All my friends are joining the trend I can’t wait to get in my favourite birthday suit Although outside it’s nippy Time has come to strippy, ain’t no shame The inlaws seem disgusted But they really wish they’d done the same The party was a flop so Why should I listen to what they say? Although it needs an iron You should really try on yours today Do do do do do do do Come on everybody it’s a hoot Don’t offend, just join in the trend You won’t know if you don’t try it You don’t even have to buy it I can’t wait to see you in your birthday suit
4.
Strange 02:52
I’m a man who can fight the feelin’ But I bet you’d never catch me squealin’ Even if I knew a mate was stealin’ I’m not a sponge here to suck the fun But I’m not saying I could outdrink anyone Don’t get me wrong You can still have your bong I love how it makes everyone become a little bit strange So let’s all get together and be strange If I’m square, I’ll keep my corners in check They won’t get in the way or ever puncture the wreck The ball you call yourself to cover your mess My shape is no worse than yours, in fact I think you’re strange You’re all strange, come have a sip and I’ll watch you change I love how it can turn into disaster Any less than that, you are the master I’ll watch you ‘til you think my hair is pasta Still, I’m a man who can fight the feelin’ The shape my habits form is not who I am Come have a sniff and I’ll watch as you change Come have a toke and I’ll watch as you change Danny’s got these problems in your head You’re not the only one Summer’s gonna bring the best of him out Even if he has a come down-a for a while There’s too much fun to lose
5.
Diggin' 03:28
Enter into a world of blocks Made of all kinds of rocks Arms and legs with only single-joints My name is big_steve And we are on a journey (build a base) To find the nether (on our way) On the way we’ll punch down lots of trees Whose leaves, they never fall Digging into another world With survival our primary goal (we’re on our way) We’ll reach the nether with a sword of light blue diamond And watch the zombie pigmen fall Gather online with all your mates And build yourselves an epic base All the evil mobs can fuck right off We don’t wish to respawn And while the pigs are waiting (dig a pit) To become pork chops (kill a pig) We’ve crafted up a tasty chicken roast So be there and be square Suspended rock debris Creepers, get away from me Herobrine has been removed
6.
Zombie Bride 03:18
We fight to live another day Wondering away-oh Will anybody save us From gettin’ bitten by this race? A lady shows up at my door One thing I’m sure of She wants some more of The flesh she’s been craving Despite the blood all over her face She hits me with a cute stare I wonder if an undead chick may love me Now I, I just want to say 'Will you be my zombie bride?' I’d clean your clothes, and I’d feed you brains If you’ll be my zombie bride one day The wedding was a raging success Stumbling all ‘round the dancefloor Ate so much I couldn’t hardly stand straight Now I’m a dopey disgrace Here with my zombie bride We moan and grunt to communicate Me and my zombie bride, she’s a babe
7.
In downtown, there is a place where good people go It's not like any other day with friends and foes Mum, Dad, and all of the family – entry is free The Friday Noodle Night Market is where I'll be Killed by a gangster, cold-blooded while eating a pad Thai Black bean is not for me Although I couldn't swallow, I could taste that I'm glad I decided To order takeaway At the market in the city Where the stir fry's extra gritty Come try the special egg noodle Hokkien mee You might just find yourself friendly new company I found new company but that's where I went wrong The Friday Noodle Night Market's Wesley Wonton It wasn't my ambition to become an Asian delicacy I always thought I'd be a dentist Cut into tiny pieces, now I can see why they call it a 'me' goreng Because it's really me At the market in the city Getting cooked up, kinda shitty Oriental summer noodle At the market in the city
8.
Flappy Bird 03:28
I sat my driver’s licence test and passed it on the first attempt I graduated with a bachelor’s degree in marketing I play in a band, speak French, I cook and also have the best girlfriend But then to top it off (what a guy!) My greatest masterpiece (wait, there’s more?) The best moment of my life was when I got a hundred on Flappy Bird I found the cure for a terminal disease and met the queen Carried the Aussie flag at the Olympic Games where I won gold My face is on the front of every bus and all the magazines I earn enough to feed a starving, poor country. And I do The day I died, I went to heaven and God said, ‘You are the best Son I have ever had but boy, your task has only just begun So back you go and don’t return ‘til your top score reads ‘two, oh, oh’ Now here I am today (jobless bum!) Lonely without a friend (on his phone!) Trying so desperately (‘til you die!) Won’t someone kill me now, this game is a fucking piece of shit!
9.
Dragon Cool 03:29
Flying through the air without a care Look to the horizon, a village there I flap my wings and they beat with power As I circle on down to devour Humans are a food that I like most From my mouth rains fire, the village is toast I fly on down, I don’t have to be stealthy I'm a dragon, I’m cool, and I'm wealthy Let’s all get together, get on the wagon Destroy our towns ‘cause we’re dragons We’re just flying around, but don’t go laggin’ Try to keep up with the dragons I've destroyed this town with one small toke I blow it away, a ring of smoke And those who’ve survived have all learned a lesson If you wanna survive, you can’t be second guessin’ So they get together with their pals The only way to win is be a dragon yourself Come take a drag and let’s blow some smoke rings So happy with how they look they start to sing We don’t choose to be mean, so don’t be baggin’ This is the way of the dragons Slowly, slowly, everyone starts to notice The happy ones are the ones who are the smokers Dragon cool, join in the hype Just gather what burns and light the pipe But I'm lazy, I don’t wanna bother Why would I grow when I can buy it for a dollar? More and more people become dragon cool They fly around destroying towns and killing fools All our gang is up here, so grab a fag and Join in with your fellow dragons Destroy our lungs ‘cause we’re dragons
10.
Wifi Today 04:07
Stream a TV show after work, you know Is how to wind down these days Let me tell you of a time when it didn’t work so smoothly for me In fact, the movie stopped Couldn’t fix it, so I got on the phone But the company made me wait Everybody in the suburb started spilling on to the street Ready to start a fight Soldiers all for one, we want our internet So come the morning sun, there’ll be a strong connection Soon there will be blood if we don’t get wifi today Sir, please rest assured trained professionals Are working around the clock I understand you’re not too happy, but it won’t make any difference Please sir, don’t make a scene Come, tonight’s the night, citizens unite The enemy won’t back down Grab your wife and grab your knife and a shovel each for all your children They will be digging graves Soldiers all for one, we now have internet So please put down your guns, there is a strong connection Streaming has begun, there’s no more need for blood today
11.
Last day of every month, I swear My bank is empty, and I just have to eat bread Dust gathering, it’s clear to see The vacuum cleaner is an ancient memory Shit hand-me-downs that no one wants The only furniture that I can call my own Freedom to do whatever I want But there’s no satisfaction I’m alone (he’s alone) In this dump I call my home (all alone) Where’s my gun? Clean underwear, fresh Tupperware Home cooking every night, I swear It would be rad living with Mum and Dad I’m still here (he’s still here) In the land of month-old beer (month-old beer) Something died under the chair If things don’t improve, beware That body could be me No shitty chores, dickhead landlords Weekly shopping that I can’t afford I cannot wait, this new life could be great I’d pay my way living with Mum and Dad Hugs everyday living with Mum and Dad Clean underwear, fresh Tupperware Living with Mum and Dad
12.
Good morning Captain, how do you do? I’m in the mood for a flight Let’s cruise around where we can’t be found And stay out into the night Good morning Captain, I’m feeling fine You always knew how to please With solitude at high altitude There ain’t a soul who can tease When he was a young little juvenile He loved his soccer and his basketball Always playing games, he would self-exile Never, ever coexist at all To everybody he was a special child Flying solo since he learned to crawl And now the silence is getting old Let’s fly, myself and I Like a dragon way above the clouds No one can bring this pilot down Old friend, until the end The other children all misunderstood Together we can go higher and never fall We are the dwellers of the clouds
13.
The streets are quiet and it’s business time I think I’m ready for another crime so let’s Choose a bank or large-scale liquor store And don’t get in my way Inside the door Where security is kinda poor, given One perfect day, you could never say Should end up quite like this Now everyone, get on the ground Don’t even make a sound It’s time to slowly take your money out Give it all to me, pretty soon you’ll see What a time you had when you decided to get out your cash Don’t want your Visa or your Mastercard I couldn’t give a fuck! Yen, Euros, Dollars, Pounds Every currency feels so good to me When you wave it all around and shake it for the world to see Get out your cash

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released March 1, 2019

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The Kujo Kings Melbourne, Australia

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